Why m still working?

This is my first stint in the blogging world! I'm not sure why i did not explore this area till date...but glad im doing atleast now!!! m feeling a generation gap when i realized that blogging is in existence for ages now.

I'm a 28 year old who is working for a multi national company(large faceless organization) as most of the educated indian youth is now. And definitely going through a mid life crisis as i realize that im nearing 30(almost 50% of my lifetime in this planet)and a an ugly reality is dawning upon me - WHY M STILL WORKING!

Dont misunderstand me when i say "Why m still working", you should read that as why am i working for a large faceless organization where im just a split of a drop in the sea. Am i contributing anything to the company or am i contributing anything to the world - i guess the answer for both is NO. But definitely im contributing very well to push myself into the rat race deeper and deeper day by day. I have atleast 3 EMI's and a bunch of credit cards(which is always glaring at me with bold red numbers I owe to the bank)

Sometimes i feel m working for Citibank, not for the the company which has employed me. Coz I measure everything in terms of how much i can pay citibank this month and how much more can i borrow so that i can maintain an inflated,non-existent,hypocrite lifestyle. I wonder what am i chasing everyday, definitely not anything which is measurable or nor am i making any hard savings for the company. Everything is VIRTUAL, the salary i get - i just see the numbers credited to my account. Then i spend that using my debit/credit card - what i harldy spend as cash every month is 2-3k. So am i really sitting in this air conditioned structure for more than 10 hrs a day to touch and feel 3000 bucks - is it worth it? I dont know, im not sure?

I sometimes think that i should just say fuck off to my boss and quit the company and do something i love...something im passionate about - but then the biggest problem emerges, what is my passion. Sometimes i feel i should be a entrepreneur - hahaha - do i really want to lead a life like that??? Or probably i want to lead a quiet happy life in some green valley taking care of my garden and a little house - then how will i get my bread?

I then wanted to explore and understand who created this amazing phenomenon called Money! Imagine a world without money and you have the world at your disposal - is it something which is next to impossible or nobody ever ventured out in that way. Cant you really get everything what you want from the earth? To eat, to wear, to commute etc - So why you want to make some stupid products which you dont want and make people believe that its impossible to live without those?!?

I started reading "the monk who sold his ferrari" and i stopped reading it midway of fear - whether i will do something like that in my life.

Right now im sitting in my office without knowing what to do to kill the next few hours and waste another day without doing anything for myself nor for others - and the highlight im expecting a pink slip anytime coz the company doesnt have any work for me or i want to believe it that way? I don't know why im mentioning this now but if somebody hasnt watched fight club then they should[not the hindi version :)]