Another day at work!

Another day at work, just finished my team lunch at a posh hotel. Obviously, feeling very sleepy after that - i bet u wil after a seven course lunch!!! I dont know what happened today, but im feeling very tensed. Is it because im very uncertain about my future or am i worried whether i will lose everything what i have built in the few years - in a way im thinking, why am i worried when im not sure whether i will get up of my seat alive...how many of us actually think about that - the glaring truth of uncertainty, the fact of life. You really don't know what is going to happen to you the next second, i cant say for sure whether i will complete typing this blog and post it. but still worried about all the material possessions and how to safe guard it from others.

I also discovered a very weird thing today, what we are taught from childhood is "never trust anybody", "be careful when you deal with people". why are we so scared of our own species, why do we like to stamp on somebody Else's head to move forward. cant we do that by just holding hands? I guess not, im thinking too mucch of a ideal place to live - probably thats what they call heaven.

Now i have to sit around for another 5 hours in this building staring at my laptop thinking what to do! I can see people walking away aiming the door, i guess they have people waiting back home and they are glad that its a weekend! I also have parents, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, grand parents etc but still im living alone. I'm enjoying my space or do I???- and i guess i should call space - the vacuum. I dont feel like going back to that vacuum which is waiting for me back home. Do i have a choice?

Another weekend is around the corner - and im not excited!!! Am i not excited about meeting my friends? am i not excited about cruising in my car and moving around with gorgeous women, drinking and partying. What do i really want to do? I dont know, i try hard to get a date and when i do get one and i dont wanna go!!! whats wrong with me? am i getting impotent or am i getting fed up of this lifestyle. what is that i want in life, im a confused soul today and i hate being in this state...i really hope that i get out of this state very fast.

The best part about IT/ITES companies are that you work out of cubicles and your privacy close to -0. one guy is sitting next to me and talking to his wife, discussing which movie to go for tonite. I cant help but listen coz he is fighting with her so loudly!!!

Talking about movies - i want to watch this movie called Pursuit of happiness! i saw the trailer today when i was watching the idiot box! my gut feeling is its a good movie(my friends say that i say that about each n every single English movie, but its not true ;) )

I have a call with a firang at 10 30 pm and im done, but for some weird reason i dont feel like going home tonite, why is that? I will figure out sooon...

Once again...waiting for the weekend! i have a list of chores listed to complete 2mrw and i can almost guarantee that i will not finish even half of that...im such a lazy bum. but i genuinely want to you know!

I will start talking about my friends next week...signing off - cu next week, have a nice weekend!!!

Why m still working?

This is my first stint in the blogging world! I'm not sure why i did not explore this area till date...but glad im doing atleast now!!! m feeling a generation gap when i realized that blogging is in existence for ages now.

I'm a 28 year old who is working for a multi national company(large faceless organization) as most of the educated indian youth is now. And definitely going through a mid life crisis as i realize that im nearing 30(almost 50% of my lifetime in this planet)and a an ugly reality is dawning upon me - WHY M STILL WORKING!

Dont misunderstand me when i say "Why m still working", you should read that as why am i working for a large faceless organization where im just a split of a drop in the sea. Am i contributing anything to the company or am i contributing anything to the world - i guess the answer for both is NO. But definitely im contributing very well to push myself into the rat race deeper and deeper day by day. I have atleast 3 EMI's and a bunch of credit cards(which is always glaring at me with bold red numbers I owe to the bank)

Sometimes i feel m working for Citibank, not for the the company which has employed me. Coz I measure everything in terms of how much i can pay citibank this month and how much more can i borrow so that i can maintain an inflated,non-existent,hypocrite lifestyle. I wonder what am i chasing everyday, definitely not anything which is measurable or nor am i making any hard savings for the company. Everything is VIRTUAL, the salary i get - i just see the numbers credited to my account. Then i spend that using my debit/credit card - what i harldy spend as cash every month is 2-3k. So am i really sitting in this air conditioned structure for more than 10 hrs a day to touch and feel 3000 bucks - is it worth it? I dont know, im not sure?

I sometimes think that i should just say fuck off to my boss and quit the company and do something i love...something im passionate about - but then the biggest problem emerges, what is my passion. Sometimes i feel i should be a entrepreneur - hahaha - do i really want to lead a life like that??? Or probably i want to lead a quiet happy life in some green valley taking care of my garden and a little house - then how will i get my bread?

I then wanted to explore and understand who created this amazing phenomenon called Money! Imagine a world without money and you have the world at your disposal - is it something which is next to impossible or nobody ever ventured out in that way. Cant you really get everything what you want from the earth? To eat, to wear, to commute etc - So why you want to make some stupid products which you dont want and make people believe that its impossible to live without those?!?

I started reading "the monk who sold his ferrari" and i stopped reading it midway of fear - whether i will do something like that in my life.

Right now im sitting in my office without knowing what to do to kill the next few hours and waste another day without doing anything for myself nor for others - and the highlight im expecting a pink slip anytime coz the company doesnt have any work for me or i want to believe it that way? I don't know why im mentioning this now but if somebody hasnt watched fight club then they should[not the hindi version :)]